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TL;DR: I often struggle to read self-help books. A lot of the time I find them tedious, long-winded and difficult to get through. Not to mention, my brain feels constantly overloaded and trying to add any more information in there feels impossible. These are 5 books that I actually managed to get through (or most of the way through) and really helped me to either better understand my brain or helped change the way I perceived the world.
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Here's the thing...I LOVE reading. Every since I was a little kid I would devour books, whatever I could get my hands on. If I couldn't get anything new, I would re-read my favourites for the 100th time (no joke). For me, reading was a way for me to understand the world. I wasn't a big fan of fantasy, I was more interested in YA, romance, etc. To me, these books were like a manual. Being autistic (unbeknownst to me at the time, of course) human behaviour was so bizarre to me. I couldn't understand why people didn't just say what they were feeling or do what they wanted to do. I couldn't understand the dynamics of friendships and relationships because the rules kept changing. So I turned to books (movies, TV Shows, etc) to get a better grip on these dynamics. It's so funny to look back on now...even though I knew what I was reading was fiction, I still took so much of it at face value.
Let's just say, after reading "Are you there God, it's Me, Margaret" by Judy Blume, I thought getting my period was going to be the most wonderful, beautiful experience. That book did NOT prepare me to get my period on my Grade 8 Grad Trip and how awful cramps were. Yet, books still remained my guide.
Fast forward to adulthood, I felt more lost than ever. After realizing my life was not going to be a Sex and the City fun-filled adventure, I decided to try reading some self-help books. It started with a Mel Robbins audiobook (which, I still love to this day), then as I embarked on my journey as an entrepreneur, I tried to get into the boss babe favourite "Girl Wash Your Face" (cringe). I would put on the audiobooks, sitting in traffic in my bright blue Mazda, eager to absorb all the wisdom on how to human.
Still, I remained lost. So I gave up on that for quite sometime.
Then, I learned about my ADHD and picked up "Divergent Minds" by Jenara Nerenberg and felt so seen in the first few pages. This books also helped me to understand the reason I was struggling so much with traditional self-help books is they were speaking to people who didn't have brains like me. Nor was I learning things that I had ANY interest in.
Then, I learned from my friend & colleague Myron that you can SPEED UP THE AUDIO when listening to a book. So many pieces started coming together.
SO, here are 5 books that have helped me learn about my brain and/or have helped me learn about alternative perspectives that have ultimately changed the way I view the world (in no particular order).
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The first book I read after receiving my ADHD diagnosis in 2022. I can't remember who first suggested this book to me (probably TikTok, let's be real) but my mind was blown. What jumped out to me were two things: First, how most research on ADHD & Autism (until VERY recently) was done on cis, white, boys. So many of the supports, medication & tools were designed for white boys. Not only that, until recently, many doctors believed that most kids grew out of ADHD, so not a great deal of research was done above the age of 16!
Then, I got to the chapter on Autism and that the "female" experience of Autism can be vastly different from the "male" experience. It is important to note here that there is no such thing as "female" or "male" autism. The difference in symptom presentation has more to do with socialization factors and how children are raised depending on their gender. It's also important to note this book focused primarily on the middle class, white, heterosexual female experience. So while a helpful book, it does have some limitations.
How I read it: I got about 50% of the way through this book. I alternated between the Audiobook and the Hard Copy.
After self-diagnosing myself as Autistic (after much, much, much research) I learned about this book. What's so beautiful about this book is the way personal stories (from both the author and others) are woven throughout. Dr. Price also provides a much more intersectional approach to the understanding of Autism. Dr. Price interviews people from different races, gender, sexual orientation and socioeconomic status. This gave me the opportunity to hear my experience of being late-in-life diagnosed autistic while also hearing the experiences of others. This helped me to build compassion and understanding on a whole new level.
How I read it: I got about 75% of the way through this book. I switched between the Audiobook version and the hard copy.
Hot damn, this book blew my brain open (in the best possible way). My whole life I had the impression that "If I just do _________ then I will be happy." I also spent a great deal of my life avoiding hard feelings. My whole life was hard, why should I also welcome in hard feelings?
Through this book I learned not only do we need to feel ALL our emotions (a concept I'm still navigating) but to be fully present to the good, we also have to hold space and witness the hard, the bad, the ugly. One cannot exist without the other. If I numb myself to pain, I'm also numbing myself to joy. Sure, on a practical level, I already knew this, but there was something about the way Dr. Sethi shared her own experiences and examples that made the concept click for me. I reccomend this book to almost everyone I know.
How I read it: I listened to the audiobook version and I highly recommend doing the same. Hearing Dr. Sethi's experiences from her own voice was beyond powerful to me. I'm about 80% the way through. I have such revelations from this book, I need to digest it in chunks.
This book was reccomended to me by my friend, Myron, a black man. At the time, Myron, his wife, a white woman and I were working together to better understand our impact in the world as white women. Before reading this book, I (foolishly) went in thinking it was going to be a refresher and I could stand superior to all the other white women just starting the work.
LOL @ me. This book taught me how to listen to feedback about my impact on the world as a white woman without getting defensive (or at least, learning to listen and then deal with. my defensiveness on my own time). It taught me how I downplay the words of BIPOC people. It taught me how to genuinely confront and acknowledge my own racism and biases.
If you are a white woman, please read this book. It will feel hard. It will feel awkward. You may walk away feeling horrible. But I encourage you to put all of that armour down and really LISTEN and ABSORB what is being said. Even if you think you know it all (P.S. you don't) you will still learn so much. I will have to read this book at least another 50 times to pull all of the learnings out of it.
How I read it: Audiobook and Kindle. I highly recommend the Audio version. I finished this book and have re-started it again recently.
The only reason this book is at number five is because I'm still currently reading it. It was also the book that inspired me to write this post because I want EVERYONE to read it.
I am VERY VERY VERY new to social justice (hello white privilege) and anti-racism work. At the beginning, I centered myself in the healing of the world and felt that I, alone, had to fix the world and had to do so right now. (#CLASSIC). I've come a long way from that place, but was still so focused on external changes that had. to happen and often felt powerless.
I actually have NO idea how I came across this book. It just happened to be one of my holds at the library recently and I swear it was kismet. Ms. Hemphill has helped me to realize how much power is in the collective (i.e. fuck our hyper-individualistic society) but also, meaningful, lasting change isn't possible unless we are all in the healing as well. I will update as I read more but I love it so much it just HAD to go on this list.
How I read it: Hardcover, about 30% of the way through (as of Jul 15, 2024).
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And there you have it! Let me know if you liked this summary and I'll do some more. I have other books that I would love to share with you all but this took a LONG ASS TIME to write.
As always, thank you so much for being here, I appreciate you endlessly.
XO,
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Disclaimer:
The links above are part of the Amazon Affiliate program. This means I may make money from qualifying sales. I will only ever link to products I believe in and use regularly.
The information provided in this blog post is accurate and up to date at the time of publishing. It is essential to recognize that research in the field of ADHD, Autism, and other forms of Neurodivergence is continuously evolving, and new insights may emerge over time.
Please bear in mind that the content of this post is not intended to serve as a diagnostic tool. It is purely for informational purposes and should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice or consultation. If you suspect or are living with ADHD, Autism, or any other form of Neurodivergence, I strongly urge you to seek guidance from a trained medical professional or qualified healthcare provider who can provide a proper evaluation and personalized recommendations based on your individual circumstances.
Every individual's situation is unique, and the information presented here may not apply to everyone. Therefore, I strongly encourage you to consult with a medical professional or trusted healthcare provider for accurate diagnosis, guidance, and tailored support. Your well-being is of utmost importance, and seeking expert advice is crucial to ensure you receive the best care and support for your specific needs.
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